My Little Sister Can't Have Contracted with Kyubey
by Max Motierre de Mirabeau
Summary: Joking with your brother can have rather surprising effects. Kirino is trapped into making a wish by you-know-who and joins the Puella Magi witch-hunting social network, complete with Mami, Kyoko, Sayaka, Madoka, and the always depressed emo-Homura. The author cannot be held responsible if this parody kills half of your brain cells, in the very likely event that it will happen.


Kyousuke was sleeping rather peacefully this night. The cool breeze made sleeping easy and comfortable: the summer's heat wave had ended a week ago. While he was dreaming of being a successful businessman, Kyosuke heard three distinct knocks on the door. He first thought that it was part of his dream; however, he woke up when he heard his sister faintly saying his name at the door.

Kyousuke looked at his alarm clock, got out of his bed, and opened the door. It was Kirino, indeed. His younger sister was sweating and trembling. She was completely frightened by something. Kyousuke immediately thought she had been a victim of online stalking, and asked, "Kirino! What happened?"

She gulped, and whispered, "I… I had a nightmare, aniki."

Kyousuke was very surprised and slightly angry from the situation. He considered she shouldn't have waked him up for something this futile, and scolded, "What? Do you think a petty nightmare is worth interrupting my sleep? I have to get up at 6:00 AM to pass some important tests tomorrow, sister. You're 15, Kirino; I thought you could manage those situations alone."

Kirino got angry as well: she started to kick her brother in the legs, while yelling, "It wasn't an ordinary nightmare, you stupid, useless brother!"

After a small while, which seemed an eternity for Kyousuke, she calmed down, and continued, "It was so real and frightening! Tokyo was being destroyed by creature that looked like an upside-down jester strapped to a giant floating gear wheel. At first I left my classroom when I saw the city was in chaos, and ran across a garden, but there was no escape, only void and destruction. The school building itself was also floating! Then I saw a small, white, sort of a cat, who asked me if I wanted to become a 'Puella' something by making a contract. Apparently, it would have given me magical powers, but I woke up at this moment."

Kyousuke sighed. He was thinking of how he could calm her down, how he could allow her to go back to sleep rinsed of the anxiety she had. He gently patted her hair, and whispered, "Calm down Kirino. This dream won't come back again." He paused, and added, "Do you want to sleep on a futon in my room?"

Oddly enough, considering her tsundereness, Kirino accepted her brother's proposition without any concern. Kyousuke was rather surprised, as she would have been violent for much less than that. The two siblings went into their beds and fell asleep rather quickly.

When Kirino woke up, Kyousuke was already away, probably passing his entry tests for university. The teenage girl, who was fighting with her laziness to get up, was asked by a manly voice, "Do you have a wish, Kirino?"

Considering she was in her brother's room, Kirino assumed it was her brother who was speaking. She replied with faintly, "Hmmm, yes… How about you give me a younger sister that looks like Meruru and is a stardust witch like her?"

She grinned a bit: Kyousuke's jokes were rarely funny, to be honest. The voice continued, "How about you make a contract with me and become a magical girl?"

Kirino giggled, as she found this very sentence to be very humorous and out-of-character from Kyousuke. She answered, enthusiastic, "Yes, I'd love to! I'd like to battle against evil to protect earth with my superb magical thunderbolts."

She then opened her eyes and saw, astonished, that the man who was talking to her was not his brother but a white cat with an oversized head and crimson eyes. A chilling breeze passed through the room, and its white fluffy fur began to glow blurrily, increasing the situation's eeriness by a notch.

The small animal began a long speech after a moment of absolute silence,

"Sure thing, baby. I'll put you on the Puella Magi social network so you can chat with your comrades, I'm sure you already know them… Don't you? You remember the redhead chick that can't stop eating, the blonde with the tig'ol bitties and the muskets, the pink-haired loli that is always alongside her short-haired katana-wielding friend, and the mysterious emo brunette? Well, if not, just connect on the telepathic network and wave hi. They're pretty welcoming usually, except the emo brunette, Homura. See you now; you'd better start hunting for witches soon! Should you need anything, just think of my name, Kyubey, and I'll see what I can do."

As Kyubey left the bedroom via the window, Kirino's jaw dropped. She realized she had been lulled into making a wish to become a magical girl by this cute animal. She wasn't serious about all this. She didn't want to have a younger sister in exchange of fighting evil. It was a prank her brother played on her, obviously. The teenage girl rushed to the closet when the idea flashed into her mind, to see if Kyousuke wasn't hiding there. While she was searching for her Aniki between the jackets, Kirino was interrupted by a small knocking on the door, followed by a cute whisper, "Onee-chan? Are you in there? Could you take a bath with me?"

Kirino was both horrified and pleased at the same time. It wasn't a prank. The white cat from her dreams was real, and it fulfilled her wish! She opened the door, and was already lost in awe, when she saw her cute, Meruru-like, new little sister waiting at the doorstep. "So, you're okay with the bath Kirino-chan..?" she asked.

Kirino, who was already drooling, replied, while caressing her hair, "Yes, for sure. For sure! You're so cute, Meruru! Let's take a bath together immediately, Imouto;"

The teenager was giggling with excitement; however, she heard the creepy cat reminding her, "Don't forget to hunt witches or I'll convince Homura to spam your psychic mailbox."

Kirino quickly thought of a reply, and said, in a rather stressed tone, "Sure, I'll do it, don't worry Mr. Creepy Kyubey cat!"

- "So you say… Well, it's up to you whether you start hunting today or not. You'll see how nice Homura is, and you'll start your hunt shortly afterwards."

Kirino ran into the bathroom with Meruru, whom had already filled the tub with some hot, bubbly water. She dived into the water with her newly created sister, not to think about the evil she will have to vanquish and the scary reproaches Homura will surely tell her telepathically.


End file.
